Though all of these posts have been pretty depressing, I have to say that I've never experienced God's presence and blessings more than I did in the days and weeks that followed the birth of Matthew.
Our church was absolutely amazing. I can't say it enough. Amazing. We had dinner brought to us for probably a month, if not more, after he died. What a gift to not have to worry about what to have to feed the family. We just had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. People who did special things just for the girls was especially appreciated. Try as I might, I just wasn't the mom I wanted to be at the time.
Probably the biggest blessing came at the funeral. We had stressed when we had been told how much the plot would cost on top of the cost of the tombstone. We obviously hadn't planned on this and we didn't have the money. My parents had loaned us the money for the plot, but we weren't sure how or when we could pay them back. The stone would just have to wait. Hopefully one day we could come up with the money to give him a proper marker.
The day of the funeral, as we were all gathering for the meal after the service, the church secretary took me into another room and handed me a check. The people from the church and our kid's school had collected money for us. It was enough money to cover the plot and the stone. I was in shock. I told her I wanted so badly to be mad at God, but He made it so hard when I saw him loving us through all the wonderful people around us.
Yes, it was a terrible time. No, I don't ever want to relive it, but without a doubt, I saw my God move in BIG ways during those dark days. He was hugging me every time a friend embraced me. He was feeding me every time a friend brought us a meal. He was wiping my tears each time a friend sat on the bed with me and handed me another tissue.
When you wonder, "Where is God when bad things happen?" ask yourself instead, "Where am I when bad things happen?" God is at work in us. God can use you to ease someone's pain. Look for where someone is hurting and find a way to help. Listen to that feeling in your gut that tells you to help them out. Don't worry about not having comforting words to say. They've heard them all. They don't need platitudes, they just need to know they aren't forgotten. You see them. God sees them. It can change their life. That's what God does and it's what He puts us here to do.