Dear Zane,

My love.  My laughter.  My joy.  You have no idea how much healing you have brought to my heart.  When I thought I couldn't go on, God brought you to me and I was lifted out of the darkness.  Since the day I met you, my heart has been full to the point of exploding with love.  I've probably held on too tightly to you, clinging to every step you take because I know how dear life is now and how quickly things can change.  You've taught me to cherish every single moment and I have. 

Now you're six.  You're starting Kindergarten, much to my dismay (and dread, honestly).  I dread it for myself, not for you.  I know you will do amazingly.  You're ready to spread your wings, I'm just not ready for you to leave my safe little nest just yet.  I know from watching your sisters how quickly life goes after Kindergarten.  In the blink of an eye you'll be discussing colleges and SATs and career paths.  It goes so quickly and I'm not ready for it.  I know you are ready though and that's what matters.  

I know you are smart and capable.  I know you're friendly and outgoing.  I know you're funny and you make friends easily.  I know you'll be fine.  I also know you have a hard time sitting still.  I know you have a hard time not talking.  I know you have a hard time not saying exactly what comes into your mind and all of these things can get you into trouble at school.  I know you get frustrated when you can't do things perfectly.  I know you get frustrated when people tell you things you don't agree with.  I know you want to be the best at everything you do and when you aren't, you will act out.  Take deep breaths.  Keep your cool.  Say a prayer.  Know that nobody expects perfection from you and that you're loved just the way you are.  No amount of awards or attaboys or accolades can change the depth of my love for you.  

People won't always be nice and neither will you.  Give grace just as you hope they will give it to you.  People won't always understand you, or the way you think or act.  Don't let their opinion of you change who you are.  I pray you keep your free spirit and creative mind.  Don't let haters squelch it.  It makes you who you are and if you turn it off, you're denying yourself and denying the world of your greatness.  Hold tight to who you are, because I love you to the ends of the earth.  

As you turn six, I see my baby disappearing before my eyes and a handsome, funny, smart boy taking his place.  I'll always remember your chubby little baby cheeks and your funny antics as a toddler, but now I am able to enjoy a new side of you.  You're hilarious and creative.  You're smart and imaginative.  You restored my joy during my darkest time and have continued to light my way since the day I learned you were on your way.  

I'm so incredibly thankful for you and I want you to always know that you've changed my life for the better.  Kindergarten will be hard for me but it is easier to let you go knowing how much you're going to love it and flourish.  

Thank you for your unconditional love.  What would I ever do without you, my darling boy?  

Love, 

Mom

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